So, I am back in the library for a half day, and I again, can't get around the firewall, nor want to try, so here I sit with nothing really pressing me, so I figured I'd write in here again.
In the past week I have bought my plane ticket...385 bucks for a one way to Panama City, it's also non-refundable, which means I'm either going, or losing that money, so i'm going :)
Had some enjoyable experiences last week, including a trip to Allendale Missouri to Old Town Cafe, it was good stuff, you can never go wrong with a little chicken fried steak and potatoes. On to more spiritual matters....
I'm trying to get on task with raising a little support and have found peace in that. The missionary's wife emailed me saying that really I wont be left out in the rain, but that I should use this as an opportunity to speak to people about what God is doing in my life, and also give them the opportunity to serve on mission with me. We had a bible study in Phillipians last week, we finished it, and so we were in chapter 4.
God spoke to me through verses 14-19 "Not that I seek the gift, but I seek the fruit that increases to your credit. I have received full payment, and more. I am well supplied, having recieved from Epaphroditus the gifts you sent, a fragrant offering, a sacrifice acceptable and pleasing to God. And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus"
In this passage, Paul just got done talking about how he was content with surplus and with nothing, that he had learned that. I love that he says in verse 14 that he doesn't seek the gift himself, but only the fruit for the people who do it. By giving them the opportunity to give, they are bearing fruit, and storing up treasures in heaven.
So, i have tried to incorporate this heart when raising support. I do need the support, but I know that God will provide whatever is missing if I am called there. So that's one thing God has taught me in the past week.
Other than that, I realized at church yesterday as Pastor Paul was preaching on prayer, that my passion for God, the amount I pray and read the word is pretty sparse right now. Not that I'm being really disobedient, but i'm definitely not sharp, not sensitive to sin and at times apathetic, all this for a guy who is headed to panama in roughly a month. So today I picked up the word and decided to study 1 Timothy, Pauls letter to his "child in the faith." One verse that stuck out to me today was in chapter 1 verse 16...just after Paul says he was the worst of sinners, he gives us the reason why God saved him: "that in me, as the foremost sinner, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life."
So, Paul says that the reason Christ's grace rests upon him is to show all believers that if God will save him, and have patience and grace towards him, then he can on anyone.
I just love the character of God that we see revealed in scripture. What a God we serve!
Monday, April 27, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
Thoughts of a substitute librarian....
So, here I am, in the "media center" of Maryville High school. I currently have one student helping out, and a teacher in on the computers, and it might be the busiest this place gets all day.
Today is the last FCA meeting of the year, and my last one as a "leader." I also have the privilege to speak tonight.
I thought for a while on what I would talk about, but really after praying once a verse popped into my head, Acts 20:24 which says: "However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace."
So, as I read in context the verses from 17-24, I also found this was an account of Paul sitting down with His elders from Ephesus as he worked his way back to Jerusalem. I listened to commentary from Jon Courson (http://www.joncourson.com/) and also a sermon from John Piper (http://www.desiringgod.org/). I found that there was so much in this little passage that I didn't see, but which also further confirmed this is what I should talk about.
Tonight i'm also sharing my testimony...and since you can't really make me stop, i'm going to give it today on here as well.
Going back to being really young I attended a Baptist church. Sunday after sunday I was put there, against my will, crawling under pews and doing disgusting things to my brother. On a good sunday we would have around 20 people come and hear the message. We did get a younger pastor who had 4 sons, and he offered to bring us all into town and have whoever baptized that wanted it. During an altercall to do so, i went forward after my younger brother did it. I was 11, but the conviction of the Holy Spirit was not really felt at that time. I still go back and forth as to whether this was the time I was saved, or later on. Continuing on...
Throughout high school i was watching my baseball career flourish, and remained pretty "moral" and also judged everyone around me who wasn't. I was valedictorian and someone who thought pretty well of himself. The problem was, i was in bondage to pornography, and really wasn't aware of it, because I never read my Bible. Church still wasn't important to me. Christ was definitely not anywhere close to first. But nevertheless, i graduated in 2004. I went to Northwest on a baseball scholarship and remember move in day being one of both excitement and also fear, but soon I found myself comfortable there. I went to the BSU (Baptist Student Union) opening barbeque and met some girls I thought were really cute, which really started to change my view of life, funny as it is.
I began to get involved with Bible studies and attend weekly and really began to see just how little I really knew about the faith I proclaimed I was. I continued in sin that fall with little conviction, although I always knew there was something wrong about it, but didn't really know what.
I went home for christmas break freshman year, where I learned my parents were getting divorced. It was quite a shocker, but I was able to endure the break, and escape back to Maryville, and continue in both sin and selfishness as well as self righteousness. I did begin to read my bible everyday, and read through the new testament that spring. All the while baseball was going well, and I was still using God as a good luck charm as much as anything, although, I believed.
Fast forward, after being invited to join FCA leadership sophomore year, i began to take a more serious look at my life, knowing I was in a position I needed to be solid, so I became like a sponge, trying to soak in all the information I could from the older leaders. I was still in sin though...going periods without lusting, but more so lusting than not, with frustration, conviction, and just desperation to get rid of it.
That went on, and I weathered some injuries and was demoted from a starter to a reliever on the baseball team, which really didn't sit well with me, and I griped a lot and definitely wasn't the model Christian on the baseball team as far as contentment.
The next huge thing in my life was over Christmas Break in Tucson Arizona in december of 2007. As we were vacationing, I began to feel this sense of depression. I began to think morbid thoughts like "what if God doesn't exist?" "is this it?" and really couldn't eat for a couple days. I remember having my Bible with me and pulled out 2 corinthians 1:3-4. I held fast to the fact that God was a God of comfort, all the while bearing a huge weight on my heart. I remember praying in the bathroom of the hotel with tears streaming asking God where he was.
God slowly began to show me what this was all about. I wasn't living at all for Him. My life had no purpose other than to suit myself and keep myself comfortable. At a pretty fast pace, God began to make me extremely hungry for the word and also for righteousness. I began to see life as it truly is, a vapor, and realizing that the only way to live was not for my own sake, but for a higher calling, which is in Jesus Christ. I became bold, and began to be able to recite scripture just from digging in the word daily. I made it my mission to learn the word, and not just read it. God actually allowed me to read through the entire Bible from February 2008 to February 2009. It changed my life!
All the while I was being fed with powerful sermons from John Piper, Jon Courson and Paul Washer, revealing my hypocrisy. I felt so convicted I wanted to throw up and literally hurt myself for the pain I was causing myself, God and others. It was sickening. But through that, God has been faithful. I've seen a huge shift. I no longer WANT to do the things that God hates, although, admittedly, it happens sometimes. I hate it when I sin now, and also still have passion to see the world reached.
Another great thing that has happened, is I began to go on mission trips and see God work and feel what it must have felt like to be on mission with God back in the early days of Christianity (minus the whole martyrdom part). It became addicting and I knew that I needed to make this part of my life. I saw how expectant I was for God to move on mission trips, and realized that I should be that way ALL THE TIME.
So, here I am, graduated from college, single, without debt, with very little money, and a heart open to serve God. I have been trying to get a job here in the states to teach and coach, but the offers haven't come. I have prayed over working for FCA full time, but don't feel comfortable with that either, so at last, I feel called back to Panama City, Panama to teach english and help with the Church. If you would have asked my 19,20,21 year old self if I would ever do this, I would have told you no way. But God works in mysterious ways.
I feel a since of freedom not to sin, a freedom to pursue Christ with all I have, and let him direct the way i'll go, and I'm telling you, there is no greater feeling. It was for freedom that Christ set us free!
I hope you were blessed by this story, and if you come to FCA tonight, you'll here a similar version.
If you get a chance, please read and check out the links for commentary on Acts 20:17-24. You will be blessed.
Be praying for me as I seek God's will for me, and begin to wholeheartedly pursue Panama.
http://pdmorales.wetpaint.com/ Panama christian academy website
http://weetsworld.com/default.aspx Information on the Family of Missionaries I'll be working with.
Today is the last FCA meeting of the year, and my last one as a "leader." I also have the privilege to speak tonight.
I thought for a while on what I would talk about, but really after praying once a verse popped into my head, Acts 20:24 which says: "However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace."
So, as I read in context the verses from 17-24, I also found this was an account of Paul sitting down with His elders from Ephesus as he worked his way back to Jerusalem. I listened to commentary from Jon Courson (http://www.joncourson.com/) and also a sermon from John Piper (http://www.desiringgod.org/). I found that there was so much in this little passage that I didn't see, but which also further confirmed this is what I should talk about.
Tonight i'm also sharing my testimony...and since you can't really make me stop, i'm going to give it today on here as well.
Going back to being really young I attended a Baptist church. Sunday after sunday I was put there, against my will, crawling under pews and doing disgusting things to my brother. On a good sunday we would have around 20 people come and hear the message. We did get a younger pastor who had 4 sons, and he offered to bring us all into town and have whoever baptized that wanted it. During an altercall to do so, i went forward after my younger brother did it. I was 11, but the conviction of the Holy Spirit was not really felt at that time. I still go back and forth as to whether this was the time I was saved, or later on. Continuing on...
Throughout high school i was watching my baseball career flourish, and remained pretty "moral" and also judged everyone around me who wasn't. I was valedictorian and someone who thought pretty well of himself. The problem was, i was in bondage to pornography, and really wasn't aware of it, because I never read my Bible. Church still wasn't important to me. Christ was definitely not anywhere close to first. But nevertheless, i graduated in 2004. I went to Northwest on a baseball scholarship and remember move in day being one of both excitement and also fear, but soon I found myself comfortable there. I went to the BSU (Baptist Student Union) opening barbeque and met some girls I thought were really cute, which really started to change my view of life, funny as it is.
I began to get involved with Bible studies and attend weekly and really began to see just how little I really knew about the faith I proclaimed I was. I continued in sin that fall with little conviction, although I always knew there was something wrong about it, but didn't really know what.
I went home for christmas break freshman year, where I learned my parents were getting divorced. It was quite a shocker, but I was able to endure the break, and escape back to Maryville, and continue in both sin and selfishness as well as self righteousness. I did begin to read my bible everyday, and read through the new testament that spring. All the while baseball was going well, and I was still using God as a good luck charm as much as anything, although, I believed.
Fast forward, after being invited to join FCA leadership sophomore year, i began to take a more serious look at my life, knowing I was in a position I needed to be solid, so I became like a sponge, trying to soak in all the information I could from the older leaders. I was still in sin though...going periods without lusting, but more so lusting than not, with frustration, conviction, and just desperation to get rid of it.
That went on, and I weathered some injuries and was demoted from a starter to a reliever on the baseball team, which really didn't sit well with me, and I griped a lot and definitely wasn't the model Christian on the baseball team as far as contentment.
The next huge thing in my life was over Christmas Break in Tucson Arizona in december of 2007. As we were vacationing, I began to feel this sense of depression. I began to think morbid thoughts like "what if God doesn't exist?" "is this it?" and really couldn't eat for a couple days. I remember having my Bible with me and pulled out 2 corinthians 1:3-4. I held fast to the fact that God was a God of comfort, all the while bearing a huge weight on my heart. I remember praying in the bathroom of the hotel with tears streaming asking God where he was.
God slowly began to show me what this was all about. I wasn't living at all for Him. My life had no purpose other than to suit myself and keep myself comfortable. At a pretty fast pace, God began to make me extremely hungry for the word and also for righteousness. I began to see life as it truly is, a vapor, and realizing that the only way to live was not for my own sake, but for a higher calling, which is in Jesus Christ. I became bold, and began to be able to recite scripture just from digging in the word daily. I made it my mission to learn the word, and not just read it. God actually allowed me to read through the entire Bible from February 2008 to February 2009. It changed my life!
All the while I was being fed with powerful sermons from John Piper, Jon Courson and Paul Washer, revealing my hypocrisy. I felt so convicted I wanted to throw up and literally hurt myself for the pain I was causing myself, God and others. It was sickening. But through that, God has been faithful. I've seen a huge shift. I no longer WANT to do the things that God hates, although, admittedly, it happens sometimes. I hate it when I sin now, and also still have passion to see the world reached.
Another great thing that has happened, is I began to go on mission trips and see God work and feel what it must have felt like to be on mission with God back in the early days of Christianity (minus the whole martyrdom part). It became addicting and I knew that I needed to make this part of my life. I saw how expectant I was for God to move on mission trips, and realized that I should be that way ALL THE TIME.
So, here I am, graduated from college, single, without debt, with very little money, and a heart open to serve God. I have been trying to get a job here in the states to teach and coach, but the offers haven't come. I have prayed over working for FCA full time, but don't feel comfortable with that either, so at last, I feel called back to Panama City, Panama to teach english and help with the Church. If you would have asked my 19,20,21 year old self if I would ever do this, I would have told you no way. But God works in mysterious ways.
I feel a since of freedom not to sin, a freedom to pursue Christ with all I have, and let him direct the way i'll go, and I'm telling you, there is no greater feeling. It was for freedom that Christ set us free!
I hope you were blessed by this story, and if you come to FCA tonight, you'll here a similar version.
If you get a chance, please read and check out the links for commentary on Acts 20:17-24. You will be blessed.
Be praying for me as I seek God's will for me, and begin to wholeheartedly pursue Panama.
http://pdmorales.wetpaint.com/ Panama christian academy website
http://weetsworld.com/default.aspx Information on the Family of Missionaries I'll be working with.
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